The Meaning of Life

Everyone who reads my blog is probably well aware of the story of my sister-in-law, Ann-Marie's dear friend, Hope Wise who sadly passed away on January 7th at the age of 36 after a long struggle with cancer. I have mentioned her before and many of you have read her story on Ann-Marie's blog, Cooper's Corner . You can also read her story in her own words as well as the words of her husband, Jake, when you check out her blog, Hope for the Ta Ta's, .

I first learned of her story when I got to know Ann-Marie. I could never bring myself to read her blog though, because I was always too worried that I would get so sad and told myself that I didn't need to make myself worry about another thing in life. But that all changed on Hope's 36th birthday. That is when I found out that Hope had been rushed to the hospital and on her birthday she was told that doctors had done all they could for her and that the best they could offer was to make her comfortable until the inevitable happened. WHAAAT??? I was stunned. I was shocked. I was angry. But angry at whom? At God? God didn't GIVE her cancer. I just wanted an explanation. I wanted someone to tell me that she had been a heavy smoker, a drinker a drug abuser....SOMETHING. None of it made sense.

But why was I so concerned? After all, I hardly knew this person. I had met her a couple of times through Ann-Marie. She was lovely. She seemed quiet and sweet. Wasn't that enough I thought? Yes, it was. I began to read her blog. This girl deserved my attention. This girl deserved my tears and my frustration. She was here. She lived. She loved. She cared and she mattered. So, I felt I owed it to her and to whatever powers that be to learn her story and to care.

As I read her story, I could see that she and I had one major thing in common. She loved being a mom more than anything. And she was devoted to her children. She risked everything and sacrificed and suffered so much in order to LIVE. She fought so hard to live for her family. She fought breast cancer and then beat it; only to learn several years later that she had tongue cancer. What a unbelievable tragedy.

Of course, reading her blog and hearing her words in my mind, gave me a sense that I did know her somewhat. Enough to know that she did not deserve this and to admire her strength throughout all of her ordeal.

Hope Wise has taught me so much in the last couple of months. She has taught me that life is even more precious than I had told myself in the past. I began to look at life through new eyes. Whenever I found myself complaining about the little problems of everyday, I paused. I thought about how she did not have the luxury to worry about such trivial matters and I felt ashamed for complaining.

I took more time to notice the little things; like the length of my son's eyelashes or how often he crinkles his nose when he laughs. I notice more often the shape of his chubby fingers and how he holds the straw on his cup and how cute he holds his fingers when he points at something. I watch him while he is sleeping more often and focus on all of the details of his face. I've always been thankful to God for all of my children, but now, it's as if a veil has been lifted off of my eyes and I am just blown away by them and see them more clearly. When talking to my teenage (and tween) daughters, I try to listen more and judge less. I encourage them to be grateful more and complain less...to count their blessings and smell the roses.

I frequently go to Busch Gardens with Christopher. We always go to the children's play area (The Land of Dragons) There are these rope bridges that cross over the play area way up high. I attempted them once, but I do not like heights. After that time, I always refused to go and told him..."We have to wait until Daddy comes with us. Daddy will go across with you". I know he is disappointed, but he doesn't complain. I know he could sense that mommy was afraid.

The other day I was there and once again, he looked at the rope bridge and then at me as if to say "Can we?". I started to give him my usual response, then thought about Hope. I thought about how much it must have broken her heart to know that she would never play with those boys again or watch them grow, and I said "C'mon Christopher. Mommy will go across the bridge with you". He was so cute walking ahead of me saying "Don't look down mommy! Don't look down". I pushed my fear aside and walked across that bridge with my son because I have been given this opportunity and I am not going to waste one more minute of my life. It doesn't have to cost alot of money to make a memory that will last a lifetime. Sometimes, it just means letting go of some fear or resentment or grudge. Just get out there and live life to the fullest each and every day.

One thought that does keep coming back to me though is this. We are all so sad to hear a story such as this; a beautiful young woman, taken in the prime of her life with loved ones left behind, heartbroken. But, what if Hope is looking down on all those whom she loved, thinking how sad she is for them, here; in this "valley of tears", in essence "exiled" from God, while she walks in His light, feels no pain, only perpetual joy...Maybe the irony is that God takes the good ones because their reward is eternal bliss with Him.