You're never too old to learn something new and this past week has been a learning experience for me. The lesson taught me that I need to give thanks for the positive things about my life instead of feeling sorry for myself because of the things that I lack. Be grateful. Corny, right? I used to think so.
After leaving New Hampshire and saying good-bye to my girls again, I have fallen into a "funk". If you read my last post about the nightmare, you already knew that I was in a "funk". Well, I let it consume me to the point that I actually made myself physically sick.
Last night, I had a revelation. Over the course of the last two to three years, I have slowly, day-by-day, excused God right out of my life. I called it "soul searching" or "questioning", etc. But the bottom line is I felt so sorry for myself and thought that God didn't care about me, my problems or the problems of humanity in general and that was IF he even existed at all.
I have been thinking what I need to answer all of my woes is money and LOTS of it. Yup. If I could just hit the lottery. I know just what I would do with that $14, $25 or $36 million. And, of course, I wouldn't let it change me!
Needless to say, I am not a millionaire. But what I did finally see last night, after some soul searching and a very LONG conversation with the man of my dreams, is that God will provide what I NEED, not necessarily what I WANT.
When I went to NH last week, one thing stressing me out was the thought of taking care of Christopher alone for hours in an airport. Those of you who have ever had a two year old know what I am talking about. The thought of it was making me anxious. I thought "how am I going to let him run around and stretch his legs with my carry-on baggage, my purse, my diaper bag, and DVD player? He is not going to just sit in a seat for hours reading a book".
I made it through check in. I dragged everything behind me while toting him up through the first security checkpoint. We made it onto the shuttle before the doors closed on us.
I started heading for the second round of security. (This is my favorite by the way, removing my shoes, my baby's shoes, my belt, his harness, throwing my carry-on and diaper bag, camera and dvd player onto the table all the while the people behind me sigh and moan and try to cut around me. Then, I get to the other side and get to try and dress myself and load up again without him making a run for it. Every time I make a move, something falls out of one of my various bags to the floor. It is great fun).
As I began this wonderful process, I looked up and I saw an old friend from high school. I couldn't believe my eyes! "Bonnie!" I shouted. She looked at me and was equally shocked! Well, I made it through the nightmare security checkpoint. And after giving one man a "
if looks could kill" stare down after he made a smart crack about my baby's safety harness, I made my way to my gate.
There was Bonnie. She motioned to me like a lighthouse in the middle of a hurricane. I flopped down in my seat. I was dying for a cup of coffee. "Go ahead. I'll watch your bags". Bonnie said. I thought I could hear the alleluia choir and the gates of heaven itself open up.
I could just walk over to Starbucks, like a normal person, with nothing more than my baby and my purse. I could walk back to my seat with a piping hot cup of coffee without feeling as though I was the newest act to join Cirque du Soleil.
Could this be true? It was a miracle I tell you. But that wasn't the end. She watched my things while I went to the ladies room and explored the gift shop with Christopher. We chatted and caught up with each other's lives. And wouldn't you know it, the flight was delayed an hour. What would I have done without Bonnie? I shutter to think.
Before we finally boarded the plane, she said to me, "If you get stuck for a ride to the airport on Tuesday, don't hesitate to call me. I would be happy to give you a lift." I thought it was sweet, but probably not necessary.
Monday evening, it became very necessary. My brother-in-law was not feeling well and I was not going to have a way to the airport. I called Bonnie and she really was happy to do it!
So, are you finally ready to hear my point? OK. Well, God said to me "Look. You don't
NEED millions of dollars. What you
NEED is help at the airport and a ride. Next time, just ask for what you need."
The other thing that I am learning to be grateful for is that despite the obsticals created by this move with the girls, some good things have come from it as well. Rather than taking one another for granted, spending too much time arguing over stupid things and saying things we later regret, we cherish each moment we have with each other. That, is truly a gift and worth more than any amount of money.
I know that I still have a long way to go spiritually, but at least it's a start!
